‘You Cannot Change What You Refuse To Confront.’
Hi everyone! What’s up? I’d like to start off by telling you a bit more about myself before I get to my own personal upcoming challenge – the challenge of learning to accept, love and appreciate my body by first learning how to accept, love and appreciate myself. All in the hopes of learning to love life!
This blog will follow me on my journey as I work to follow a low-carb diet, start exercising, lose weight, rid myself of insecurities and learn to love myself – just the way I am. But before I get to the story behind this challenge or what you can expect, let me tell you a bit more about myself…
I’m a born and bred resident of Cape Town, South Africa, home of Table Mountain, Nelson Mandela and koeksisters. It’s the most beautiful country in the world – no offence to everyone else! I should probably also add that English is not my first language so please forgive me if I suddenly spout some crazy talk like a demented chicken.
I’m currently hard at work writing my first novel and hoping to finish it sometime this year. Aside from that, I’m working towards a Bachelor’s degree in psychology. Writing The Whimsical Rebel blog is something I do on the side by way of keeping me in touch with reality, after spending most of the day wrapped up with my imaginary friends, who can be really mean sometimes!
So, I guess you could say Lize is my name and weirdness is my game!
With that being said, I would like to get to the story behind this 52 kg journey…
‘Deep Down You Already Know The Truth…
Now You Just Have To Accept It.’
Once upon a time, little more than 4 months ago, I celebrated my 22nd birthday. And on that day I took a long, hard look at my life and what I was currently doing with it. To be honest, I was completely shattered… I actually wound up spending the day of my birthday in tears. I think I cried like five times that day.
When I looked back at everything I had set out to achieve since my 21st birthday… I was filled with regret, shame and anger at myself because not only had I not achieved any of those things, but I was no closer to achieving them than I was a year ago. It felt like I had wasted a year of my life, and let down everyone who supported and believed in me in the process!
The worst part of it all was realising that I had no one to blame for my disappointment but myself. I realised that I was in denial about a lot of things and that staying in denial would only result in more disappointment, regret, guilt and despair. But after some soul searching, I was able to pinpoint the reason for my attempts at self-sabotage…
When push comes to shove… I don’t believe in myself. I don’t feel that I am deserving of the things that I want. And I am afraid that if I actually chase after the life I want, I will only end up failing and confirming my fears that there is something inherently wrong with me.
For years now I have struggled with low self-esteem, a poor body image and a lack of self-worth and self-acceptance. It has interfered with my relationships, my career, my health and worst of all the way I see myself.
‘Denial Is The Worst Kind Of Lie…
Because It Is The Lie You Tell Yourself.’
– Michelle A. Homme
I never again want to waste a year of my life because I was afraid of daring to chase after my dreams, because I was afraid of proving myself a failure, because I was afraid of not believing in myself.
I want to stop existing, stop surviving, and start living the life that I want, the life that I really do deserve!
My goal is simple… When my 23rd birthday comes along on the 4th of August 2018, I want to be able to dance the night away with my loved ones, not once needing to stop and catch my breath, wearing a killer dress that did not come from the plus-sized department, comfortable and confident in my body and myself. Healthy, happy and proud of the life I have!
All in all, I want to lose 52 kg, in hopes of reaching a goal weight of 51 kg, given my current weight of 103.2 kg. I’m not convinced, however, that I’ll be able to lose 52 kg in 8 months. But that is why I’m referring to this as ‘My 52 Kg Journey’, because 52 kg is my weight loss goal!
‘We Are Only As Blind As We Want To Be.’
– Maya Angelou
When I opened up about these feelings and realisations to my closest friends, I discovered that many of them felt the same and that it was a particular issue for them when it came to their health and weight – as it is for me. It got me wondering how many other people around the world felt the same… And then, while pondering these feelings of shared, plain misery and frustration… An insane idea was concocted…
Since I was 12 I’ve been on too many diets to mention – all of them without success in the long term. It feels as though every Sunday I have a new ‘Day 1’ and announce to my family that I was embarking on yet another weight loss journey. Only to end up devouring MacDonalds come lunch time and deciding to wait until next Sunday. And then sure enough the whole cycle would start all over again…
It seems so odd… you have the right diet plan, you know of a gruelling yet still affordable personal trainer, you can comfortably make the time you need to face this challenge, you have a loving, overenthusiastic support system… and yet you end up failing in your weight loss goals anyway. Why?
And like most eccentric geniuses, I have a theory…
‘If Hunger Is Not The Problem,
Then Eating Is Not The Solution.’
I think there are several causes for being overweight, unhealthy and even obese… Some overweight people are ignorant as to what constitutes a healthy, balanced diet… Some overweight people have a physiological condition that makes it difficult for them to maintain a healthy weight… Some overweight people find it difficult to make their health a priority because of their circumstances at work or at home…
And some overweight people… like yours truly… eat to distract themselves from the truth of a reality that they are afraid to accept, aka emotional eating.
‘Why Do You Eat?’
You see, it doesn’t matter how much exercise you do, how strict your diet is, or how much plastic surgery you put yourself through… if the reasons for your poor eating habits remain then sooner or later you’ll revert back to them. No matter how desperately you want to lose weight, you’ll inevitably end up reverting back to bad, self-destructive eating habits if your insecurities and negative body image remain unresolved.
And if you don’t feed your negative feelings with carb-rich foods, then you’ll wind up finding another coping mechanism to distract yourself with from your reality – sex, alcohol, drugs, intense exercise, work… and so forth.
I also know from first-hand experience that this problem can become so aggravated that some women resort to sabotaging themselves before they’ve even started to implement a drastic lifestyle change, hoping to prevent even the possibility of a future in which they fail and end up disappointed. Some of us… we can’t even start chasing after the things we want because the idea of being disappointed in our hopes even being possible frightens us so much.
I don’t believe it’s possible to find an external solution for what is essentially an internal problem. You will never love your body, nor your life for that matter, if you do not first love yourself. Eating and being overweight are merely symptoms of a deeper struggle – believing that you aren’t even worth your own TLC.
And so I’ve decided that this next year of my life, I will address and attempt to reverse all the issues in my life that are holding me back from making the most of every moment of every day. One of these issues is without a doubt my poor health due to my present state of obesity.
That, in a nutshell, is what this challenge is about. My journey to improve my health and quality of life by improving my mind-set with regards to my insecurities, low self-esteem and feelings of inadequacy.
‘Denying What You Feel Will Not Make It Go Away.
It Ensures That It Never Gets Resolved.’
Opening up online for all the world to witness is quite frankly a terrifying thought and I’ve been debating on and off with myself for weeks now about whether or not I should do it. I was particularly concerned about how it would affect my loved ones’ opinion of me and my professional image as a writer and psychologist.
Ultimately though, as you can deduce from now reading this post, I decided to go through with it.
I have been so inspired by all the other online stories of people turning their lives around, it got me thinking that I would like to inspire others in a similar way. It would be a way to make something positive out of what has mostly been a negative experience.
The other, more personal reason for sharing my journey online is that I want to prove to myself that I am brave enough to go after something I want, that there’s no shame in admitting to one’s insecurities and fears and that I can do this. That I can do whatever I put my mind to. That I can overcome my fears. That I can be my best self!
‘Where There’s A Will, There’s A Way.’
My plan of action is a simple one – in theory at least. I’ve decided to address 4 components in order to improve my health, my weight, my body image and ultimately my quality of life during 4 separate phases.
The 4 components I plan to address are…
- Following a low-carb, high-fat diet
- Participating in a balanced exercised programme
- Learning to love my body
- Learning to love my self
Each of these aforementioned components will be addressed in the 5 phases of my plan: Preparation, Induction, Healing, Transformation, Maintenance.
‘Don’t Play The Victim To Circumstances You’ve Created.’
I hope to share a post tracking my emotional and weight loss progress at least once a month right here, so please subscribe to this blog if you’d like to share in my journey!
You can also expect regular posts on The Whimsical Rebel social media accounts regarding the changes I’ve implemented, the lessons I’ve learned and the obstacles I’ve come across. Follow me on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook!
‘It’s Not That Some People Have Willpower And Others Don’t. It’s That Some People Are Ready To Change And Others Are Not.’
– James Gordon
For the rest of this week, I will embark on Phase 1, aka the Preparation phase: getting my kitchen ready, preparing myself mentally, reading and researching my new diet, etc.. I will not yet be focusing on going low-carb, nor on making my meals gluten- and sugar-free. That comes next week!
Thanks for reading and if you are on your own journey of weight loss and self-love, hang in there! You are not alone! Keep at it! And pity us mere mortals who have yet to follow in your footsteps haha!
Until next time all you awesome peeps! Much love, Lize Xx
I ♥ Hearing From You!
#Hashtag Me With #TheWhimsicalRebel & #TheWRebel! Xx